Face at the Window 2015-75

This is a poem about a period of despair where things were “not right” in my mind, but not knowing why at the time. I share this to let others know that sometimes crap happens and we have a choice of living with it or not.  It IS easier to look back at life sometimes instead of at the moment, but that is life itself; one of periods of time to experience. I survived a terrible time in my life, and, looking backward, can still reminisce about the journey then and sometimes even now…..

Face at the Window 2015-75

Looking out at the world so near,

yet so far; seeing, but not knowing

of the things others hold so dear.

 

Peering, wondering, about the earthly

smell, a swish of feet on green grass,

a kiss of the wind on cheek so swell.

 

A desire so great to escape the bonds,

of a way of life that seems like hell

to do the things that others do, so well.

 

Nose on glass, breath making fog

a wish, a want, a longing for a chance

to live a life free of minds smog.

 

Not really hurt, no visible scar, no

means of knowing by others who blurt,

“You look so great, you are, you are!”

 

Days turn to a week, then to months,

a look at the past that’s gone so fast

with a future that seems so bleak.

 

Not knowing what, scared of what, not

trying to think of what, not having

the mind to see what, just asking – what?

 

Den Betts

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The FIFTH Horseman 2015-27

The FIFTH Horseman   2015-27

2015-27

“A horrible thought!!! Those that read the Bible and know about the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse realize the intent of the writing about them. I believe it was during a mental lapse of mind that I came up with a Fifth one. This was about “me” at the time, when I was recovering from a head injury and feeling sorry about myself. During this down time of that era, I again, wrote this poem whereas I was reacting then due to conditions beyond my control or understanding. I no longer feel this way about life, but the opposite and think life is good and there is always – – – – .”

      The FIFTH Horseman   2015-27

WAR rode by – triumphant in the darkened sky,

Leaving PESTILENCE to do his ugly deeds.

FAMINE soon arrived with glee, to starve mankind,

Followed by DEATH to finish any having untold needs.

By far the worse, was the very, very last,

The Fifth Horseman, who came trotting slowly past.

A jeering face, a laugh in the wicked wind,

For any left behind in the maelstrom and the din,

Screaming a final promise did he then make,

As a gray forbidding cloud, followed in his wake,

“For those that survive and think they can really cope;

I believe NOT”, said the horseman called NO HOPE.

Den Betts

Despair 2015-26

Despair    2015-26

“Whoa, what a subject! This poem came from the bottom of the barrel, the bottom of the pit of depression, when things seemed so horrible in my life over twenty years ago. This was probably written when I was in a state of clinical depression and where I finally found professional help to combat my feelings of despair at the time. I was more confused than ever due to a head injury and not really knowing what happened and why exactly, things were the way they were then.

 

I would ask my wife, “Why?” for everything I did not understand. She, being a working RN at the time, would calmly tell me, “It is because of your injury”. Then, five minutes later another “Why” on my part, again. The very fact she was a professional was very helpful and her ability to know the reasons for my depression helped so very much.  Jim, my therapist, finally got me to realize that it was “IT”, the head injury, and not ME the person that was the problem. He might have saved my life.

 

I include this poem, “Despair” and another one later, “Fifth Horseman”, which ties in with the Despair one,  to give the reader insight as to how those with mental situations of all types, sometimes, might feel inside when they are experiencing the things of life that happen to them. I will try not to include these types of poems in the future though, as they are somewhat depressing and bring back memories of a past life. At times, though, it is important to recall those things that affected your life.

 

Despair    2015-26

Despair, the blackness, the bottomless pit,

Oh God, when will I get out of it?

I hate this life of confusing thoughts,

This different me, inside this human box.

My mind that controls most everything,

Isn’t right, and makes me a different being.

The layered convolutes of my infernal brain,

Is like a parasite, racked with wavy pain.

Why can’t I get normal or better, more soon?

If this keeps up, it is leading to doom.

The ups and the downs I have each day,

Make me hate this life in every way.

Please God, make me better, and give me some hope,

I don’t like this life; it’s too hard to cope.

Den Betts