Confusion with Reality 2015-58
Let me say this. I am sometimes confused about what I believe in regarding something of faith. I KNOW what I say to others and I actually believe in what I expound. I KNOW what I have experienced in life regarding God so I don’t have a problem with my faith in Him, which I identify as the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit.
What I do have issues with are those things that I hear and read that cloud the overall feelings that I profess too. I do NOT think that this is unusual, but is not openly said or expressed by many Christian believers.
I was NOT a Christian believer or a “good” Christian (in my mind) until relatively recently (4 years ago). I have openly stated that I was “going through the motions by rote before then. I am not overly proud of this fact or ashamed, but just stating a fact as I see it now. I said things then, did things and probably believed things as they should have been said or done as a Christian.
No easy answers
OK, where am I going with this? I feel that God is NOT going to lay it all out for me in a secret way, but it would be terrific if He did so. I am NOT going to get a set of golden tablets telling me all, to share with the world (sort of like Joseph Smith claimed, of the Mormon faith). Those things and others I do not expect to see or happen.
I have done, what I feel, is extensive (somewhat) research about the Bible. This makes you also get involved in history of the past and what was happening at the time certain people were alive. It also brings forth the temperature of the moment in history as to what was going on, when someone was alive and affecting the Christian religion. An example would be St. Jerome writing The Vulgate in the fourth century.
This makes me admit that I have some reservations about certain, or many, aspects of belief of how things transpired and how it is perceived today. I honestly believe that religious leaders of various time periods did not transcribe accurate or truthful statements or writings of their time period.
How can I prove this; I cannot, simple as that. But do have questions that cannot be answered wholly or accurately without fail and I believe this is normal to have these thoughts. The thing is, I am stating them aloud for others to see and this makes me a little uncomfortable.
I state another thought that I have made before. I believe in God and have a profound and personal experience that gives me an unbreakable and absolute belief in Him, which NOBODY can change my mind or opinion on this subject of faith. So faith is not in question here, but something else.
We do NOT have time travel that would allow us to go back and witness certain things and happenings of the past relating to faith issues. It would be great (in a way) to have seen and experienced the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ for one. I don’t know if I could handle that though, emotionally. It would be terrific to question His Apostles and follow them close by as they spread the word of the Teacher, Jesus. Knowing me, I could not keep my big mouth shut and I would be forced to yell out something that I thought was different than what I have been taught, read, or think I know.
The questions I have without insight or of knowing what I read are many. Many theologians have ideas of the –who, the what, where, etc., but they give theories, which cannot be accurately proven. Other, know it all’s, or those that think they know all things, do the same thing, giving their spin on how it was in the distant past.
What were the names, actual names and credentials of those that made the canons of what is today’s scripture? What did they leave out and why? Did they add something that was thought to enhance a segment of the Scripture for the sake of knowledge (on their part)? Does the Catholic Church have a list of things that would prove or disprove something written in Scripture?
There was NO paper to write on until it was discovered and brought to Europe about the 11th century. Before that, many products were used, such as wood, metal, papyrus (plant used before paper in Egypt and elsewhere). So, what was written on, how were the writings of the Gospels (for instance) recorded in a correct and complete manner? Word of mouth was one way things were passed on, but did those doing the mouthing of the words add this or that to their sayings?
I AM, repeat, AM a believer of the Triune God! I know that He, in the form of the Father, and/or the son Jesus Christ, and/or the Holy Spirit has His Presence with me always. That I believe without any doubt, because I know this is true. I am still allowed to question various things that bother me though. I have that right and feel that it would be not a good idea to take ALL things I am told or what I read as absolute facts. I believe the Bible is inspired by God, but written by man and that leaves a lot of leeway for crap to happen. I realize this, but still maintain a Christian faith in God, regardless.
I started this by titling this “Confusion with Reality”. I will keep it that way, because I have some doubts and as my Pastor once said, “that is not unnatural, but a way of life”, or words to that effect. The Pastor may never read this, so it is close enough.
It is NOT wrong or incorrect to think thoughts that go contrary to decree by the church. The church, any church, does not have a direct line to God, so it cannot absolutely contradict any thoughts you may have. I am NOT, repeat, NOT in a hurry to die and see God and ask Jesus some neat questions in person, but I relish the thought of having the opportunity to do so. If He wishes to whisper in my ear, certain things now, that is ok with me. Until then, confusion with reality will reign and I will wait and wonder.